I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize