end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
