this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
