therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
