he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
