Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
