Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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