somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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