i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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