pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
