I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
