I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
