Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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