Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
