Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
love makes seman taste better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
