All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
