my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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