He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize