Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
