this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My bed smells like the plague
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
