I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
