They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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