I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
