I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
