i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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