adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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