True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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