So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
