Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize