Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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