Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
