I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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