my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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