So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
