neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
