so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
