I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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