oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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