I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my poor anus
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
