I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
