I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
