I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
