my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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