So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
