I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
