I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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