I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
