how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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