You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
