Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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