Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
