just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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