Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize