He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
