Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
