Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
