He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
