i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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