sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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