I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
