Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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