I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
