We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
