i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
