I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
