i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
