i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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