turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
