His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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