Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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