So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
