Umm I'm too high to move.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize