so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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