i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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