i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
