Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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