just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
