im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
