Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
