Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
