WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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