i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
