capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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