forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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