You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
