normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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