Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
