I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My vagina is very pro this idea
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
