I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
