The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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