i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
