I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
