Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
