hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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