I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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