I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
