I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
