He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
