i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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