I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
